What Do Healthy Boundaries Look Like After Addiction?

Building Boundaries

Building and setting boundaries is an essential life skill, especially for people in recovery. However, setting boundaries in recovery is no simple task.

Unfortunately, some recovering addicts grew up in dysfunctional homes. There, boundaries are highly rigid, leading to suppressed emotions or distant

relationships. Later in life, the addict’s interpersonal relationships continue to be defined by the old roles and patterns. As a result, the risk of depression, anxiety, and addictive or compulsive behaviors increases.

Learning how to set boundaries in recovery gives the patient a needed sense of self and helps them respect other people’s boundaries. In the addiction field, this is called “embracing the authentic self”. This is a process of “discovering who you want to be, how you want to interact with other people, and taking responsibility for the consequences of your choices.”

Why are setting boundaries in recovery so important? First, they protect a person with addiction from being manipulated, abused, or taken advantage of.

Meanwhile, new boundaries also protect other people from any harm the addicted person may consciously or unconsciously inflict upon them.

Boundaries can provide a clear distinction that prevents those in a relationship from becoming codependent. By setting healthy boundaries in recovery, the person battling addiction can trust their own thoughts and feelings. The next step is communicating those thoughts and feeling to others.

Healthy boundaries make it clear what type of treatment is acceptable to a person with substance use disorder. Setting healthy boundaries in recovery also spells out what consequences will result from violating a boundary. People with healthy boundaries take care of their own needs and can say no when they have to.

Boundary Set Backs In Recovery

How you deal with setbacks plays a major role in recovery. Some examples of setbacks are not setting healthy boundaries, not asking for help, engaging in high-risk situations, and not practicing self-care.

However, a setback does not have to end in relapse.

Unfortunately, recovering individuals tend to see setbacks as failures.

Some might see setbacks as confirming their negative view of themselves. Perhaps a person in recovery might feel that they cannot live life on life’s terms.

These negative feelings can lead to more substance misuse and a greater sense of failure. Eventually, the addicted person stops focusing on the progress they’ve made and begins seeing the road ahead as overwhelming.

But setbacks are a normal part of progress. They are not personal failures. Recovering from a setback–even a relapse–can help you develop and stick to healthy boundaries.

After a relapse, creating strict boundaries aids in preventing future relapse. Consider these boundaries as a relapse prevention plan. For example, refrain from contact with a person who consistently pressures you to use alcohol or drugs.

Another recommendation involves writing a detailed list of boundaries that are set.

The list may include:

• Main triggers.
• Coping mechanisms when the desire to drink arises.
• A list of people you can contact for support.

Experts agree that having this sort of plan will help with prevention. It also allows the addicted person to feel a sense of order and control.

Areas to Have Strong Boundaries in Addiction Recovery

Establishing recovery boundaries depends on the specific situation of the addicted person.

Here are some basic but strong areas to address:

Boundaries with friends

You can save yourself from uncomfortable situations by letting friends know they cannot be around you while drinking or using drugs. If they refuse to make that concession, you should reevaluate the relationship. Toxic relationships are one of the biggest triggers for an addict trying to stay clean.

Boundaries with social activities

Especially important when a person is new to recovery. It is typically dangerous for a newly sober person to take part in social settings where drugs and alcohol are consumed. Even if you intend to be a designated driver or drink non-alcoholic drinks, these situations can be sources of temptation. Staying sober requires learning when to say no. Missing a social event is better than risking a setback in your goals.

Boundaries with work

Staying busy and productive is healthy while in recovery, but it requires balance. If you overwork yourself or spread yourself too thin, stress may increase, and you may find it more difficult to maintain sobriety. Try stepping back and asking if you have a healthy work-life balance.

Boundaries with a significant others

If your significant other wants you to stay sober, realistically, they should not drink or use around you. Let others know that you need their support and encouragement when it comes to staying clean and healthy.

Boundaries with yourself

It is also a good idea to establish a set of personal values and standards. Examine your core values and beliefs and trust them. Then, do your best to stick to what you hold important in life and apply it to your situation.

Boundaries When it Comes to Enabling

Regrettably, friends and family can worsen a situation by enabling a person who misuses drugs and alcohol, despite their best intentions.
Enabling is doing things for an addicted person that they would normally do for themselves if sober. A person steps in and takes control of a situation because they think it will be beneficial. However, doing this often protects addicts from the consequences of their actions, further encouraging their use.

You may realize at this point that you have been enabling your addicted loved one. How do you change? It’s helpful to remember that you can’t change other people. But you can change your behaviors and reactions toward those people.

To this end, it’s important to know what healthy and unhealthy boundaries look like. It will allow you to have relationships where your best interests and the interests of others are balanced. That interchange will benefit both your life and your recovery. Here’s what to know about setting healthy boundaries in recovery.

Healthy Vs. Unhealthy Boundaries: Examples

Examples Of Healthy Boundaries

• Encouraging sharing of thoughts and feelings
• Maintaining your values and beliefs even though others may not agree or share the same personal values.
• Respect others and require that others respect you; choose not to interact if unable to meet those standards.
• Take responsibility for the things you say and do
• Take full ownership of how you define yourself