Regrets and Painful Memories in Recovery

Early Recovery: Facing Reality After Addiction

Healthy recovery from addiction requires a large amount of honesty and objectivity.

Running from reality is something that we can become experts in while we’re using.

The fact that we are the ones who are being destructive to ourselves and others is not something we want to think about.

Life exists in our tiny bubble where we perceive things on our terms.
Changing that mindset to be more in tune with the truth challenges everything we have told ourselves.

It challenges the wall of lies that we have built to protect ourselves from seeing the truth.

When those walls are torn down, it also comes with exposing mistakes you’ve made, the way you’ve hurt yourself and others, and the things you deeply regret.
It’s no surprise that tearing those walls down is painful.

Those walls are built to protect ourselves, our addiction, and what ultimately lies under them.

But recovery isn’t about being harsh on yourself in the process. It’s quite the opposite.

People who struggle with addiction are usually already hard enough on themselves.

It’s a process that requires patience, grace, teachability, and love toward ourselves and others.

Why Are My Memories so Painful?

When the memories of our actions cause emotional suffering, it is usually because that action went against our core values. Core values are the things that we care about and hold in high esteem.

A few examples of values are:

• Honesty
• Integrity
• Responsibility
• Trustworthiness

Every person on this earth has done something that goes against their values, but addiction puts a person in a highly vulnerable state where we become so far removed from who we are at our core that we begin to go against our values every day.

It doesn’t get better as the addiction progresses; it always gets worse. It is almost impossible to fully live out our values in a meaningful way in active addiction. Some of us have gone to deeper lows than others, but we have all done things in active addiction that we would never dream of doing if it weren’t for falling into drug and alcohol use.

Regretful mistakes could be something like stealing from your family, physically hurting someone you love, or abandoning your kids. When these memories cross your mind, and you feel emotional pain, it’s likely because there is still processing that needs to take place.

Even though it may not feel like it, it’s a good sign. It provides evidence that you are slowly becoming more in tune with your values and who you are as a person. Your conscience is alive and well.

Resolve to do Better

Recovery is not just about stopping the use of drugs.
I mean, sure, if you remove the drugs and/or alcohol from your life, there are sure to be improvements, but what each person in recovery should also do is focus on changing themselves from within.

Drug abuse doesn’t just happen in a vacuum.
We often have gone through things in the past, character defects that sabotage our lives, and other things that we need to find healing and acceptance with.

There’s a lot of baggage that comes with addiction.
Remembering all of the things that you have done and the people you have hurt can be heavy.

All that can be done from here on out is slow and consistent change.
You must resolve to become the best version of yourself. Many individuals look to outside help and call on God to help build and restore them into new people.