How to Help Someone Through a Relapse

The Reality of Relapse in Recovery

You may have noticed your loved one has stopped making progress in their recovery and has not been to a meeting, been in the book, attended therapy, or went along with the relapse prevention plan they set out with to keep themselves on track.

When a loved one relapses, you may see the signs from a mile away. However, this isn’t always the case.

They may have been acting strange, more secretive, and you miss the transparency.

Sometimes, when someone is headed for a relapse, they can withdrawal completely into isolation. Addiction, unfortunately, thrives in isolation.

You’ve researched before “how to help someone avoid a relapse,” but you’re not sure that they are still on track with their recovery in the first place.

You might have thought the words “relapse” would never come to mind. You don’t understand, they were doing so well, or at least you thought they were.

Relapse is a difficult part of recovery, but it can happen to anyone during the process.

The most important thing is that your loved one quickly gets back on track.

In this guide, we will show you how to help your loved one. 

Why Does Relapse Happen?

Your loved one may have suffered a relapse because they have faced a challenge they feel reluctant or incapable of dealing with.

The challenge may be losing a job or relationship, a bout of depression or anxiety, and many other things that can happen in life.

The lack of progress made in their recovery will make their lives feel uncomfortable, and they might become irritable.

You’ll start to notice old behaviors begin to surface again when they turn to dysfunctional coping mechanisms to deal with their feelings.

Your loved one can bury their internal pain, but it will continue to manifest inside them, creating emotional instability.

People dealing with intense internal pain will start presenting angry or agitate sides of themselves, and they will become unpredictable and seek isolation.

If you would like more information on relapse and how your loved one can prevent it, read the warning signs of relapse.

It is heartbreaking knowing your loved one has relapsed after accomplishing a significant amount of time in sobriety.

Please don’t be hard on them. People who relapse already beat themselves up about it.

Try and help them by talking with them, getting them to a meeting, or reading recovery material with them.

However, please don’t assume they have relapsed, have an open and honest conversation about it first. If a relapse is obvious, that’s another story.

The Most Common Causes of Relapse

1. Mental Health Issues – Sometimes, people in recovery have undiagnosed and undetected mental health issues that need to be addressed. If these disorders aren’t addressed, it will often lead your loved one to use again. Symptoms will continue to come back even in sobriety, and not having drugs or alcohol to self-medicate can make life unbearable.
2. People – Most people in recovery understand the importance of protecting themselves from people who would lead them back down the road of using drugs. Can friends who are still using cause a relapse? A relapse can occur after hanging out with friends. If your loved one let their guard down and began to associate with old friends, this could be a major contributor to relapse.
3. Places – While in active addiction, there are certain places that people associate with using drugs or where drugs are available. Often, part of a relapse prevention plan is to stay away from places that remind your loved one of using. However, if they begin to frequent places associated with their addiction, the chances of relapse can skyrocket. Even so, your loved one may have truly believed they would be able to handle the temptation.
4. Things – Small things can be big triggers in an individual struggling with an addiction. An example would be finding old drug paraphernalia around the house. Another way that some individuals relapse is because they find things that they associate with using and begin to feel intense cravings. Usually, this is mainly associated with actual paraphernalia.
5. Relationships – At times, people begin relationships in recovery when they are not ready. Sometimes, people go back to old relationships where they still feel a connection and longing for that person. Whether a new or old relationship, it can lead to a relapse if things go wrong. It’s also possible that your loved one may be seeing someone who uses drugs or alcohol. This very real danger is the reason why many recovery experts warn that romantic relationships should not begin until after the first year of recovery.
6. Isolation – In active addiction, most people live isolated from others. In recovery, it is encouraged to do the exact opposite. It’s important to connect with others who understand your struggles, who want the best for you, and who genuinely care. The recovery community is full of so many people like this. However, if a person chooses to continue doing what’s comfortable to them and isolate, this could lead to a relapse.
7. Lack of Self-Care – Recovery isn’t just about stopping the use of drugs and alcohol. It’s actually about learning how to live life healthily and promoting self-care. In recovery, we must put our self-care first before anything else. Recovery is all about self-care. If we take care of ourselves, we can trudge forward in recovery. However, if we don’t, likely recovery burnout will be experienced, and relapse could be just around the corner.
8. Overconfidence – There’s a point of recovery referred to as “The Pink Cloud,” which can be a very dangerous spot to be in if your loved one is unchecked. Your loved one may have felt overconfidence in their recovery like nothing could stop them, and they have everything figured out. Well, there is nothing that can humble you faster than a relapse in recovery.
9. Feelings and Emotions – In recovery, we must learn and build emotional intelligence. We are left at the mercy of waxing and waning emotions and moods if we do not. We must gain control over our moods and emotions, not allowing them to rule over us. Inactive addiction, we are slaves to our feelings and emotions. Mostly everything done in active addiction caters to how we “feel” at the moment. If little to no internal work has been done to build up emotional intelligence, it’s not hard to see how that could lead to a relapse.

Should I Confront My Loved One About Their Relapse?

When you feel your loved one has relapsed, you need to assess the situation and determine how to address it. Your loved one might feel extremely guilty, remorseful, and embarrassed about relapsing.

Because of the stigma surrounding addiction, many individuals in recovery feel as if they cannot even speak up about their relapse. Imagine the difference you can make if you come from a place of true compassion and understanding.

Your loved one who relapsed will feel that they disappointed you greatly. The negative feelings associated with relapse can often lead people to hide their drinking or use at all costs.

If they continue to be overwhelmed with embarrassment, it will begin to sap their motivation.

So what can you do?

Firstly, they will need all the love and support they can get from you to gain the strength to get clean and sober once again.

Ask them if they would like to come and talk, make them feel comfortable, remind them you have no room for judgment and are only there to help.

Tell them not to be ashamed, they have only faced a small hindrance, and the only real failure in life is giving up.

Let them know that they don’t have to feel embarrassed—instead, help them increase their efforts and find their triggers, that way, they stand a better chance of leading a happy, healthy life.

They will more than likely feel as if they have taken a step back and found themselves at the starting point all over again—which is true. The only day anybody has in sobriety is today.